two lost souls

i stare at the light
there is peace here somewhere
on the beam
or in the dancing shadows of the curtains
i don't care
there's peace here somewhere
 
                  ~~~then you move.
 
and i remember the room
with you in it
with your dark weary eyes
your dry chapped skin
and your heavy lips mumbled,
 
let us forget about the angels
who will take us fly away into the night
nor about the high heaven
a promised land to all mankind
 
we both searched the world
for the perfect meaning of love
battered and lost
so here we are now, two lost souls
 
                        ~~~the curtains wave heavily.
 
there is peace here somewhere
between your body and mine
in the air or on this bed
after so long, there is peace here somewhere
 
                  ~~~then you kiss me, somewhere.
 
 
 
 
 
 

aku gila

aku gila
aku selalu merasa diriku berbeda dari orang lain
karena aku tahu aku gila
aku tidak berpikir seperti orang lain
aku ini gila
 
kalau aku sudah cukup bahagia melihat langit biru,
tertawa, menghitung bintang, berenang dalam malam
maka orang lain akan mengatakan aku gila.
karena aku begitu mudah tertawa
mentertawai dunia
 
aku gila
meloncat-loncat ketika berjalan
menari-nari di dalam hati
dan tertawa terbahak ketika
bahagia
 
aku gila mungkin saja,
gila karena bahagia.
kalau untuk bahagia aku harus gila,
maka biarkan aku gila saja.
 

for once

he said, he saw a light in my eyes.
a light that he longed to see.
a light that says, my heart beats
for its life, not just for life itself.

did they? i didn't see.
i did not smile, i did not frown.
i just sat there and listen
to his loving words i have long to hear.

he said, he's happy that i finally see,
that my happiness lies inside me.
not within his arms nor his kiss,
but within my heart.

did they? i didn't know.
all i know, i wanted to live forever,
to be by his side.
and that was all i am about.

he said, he'd miss me lying next to him,
watching me stretch myself
after waking up or making love
and the many kisses afterwards.

will you? i'll never really know.
with this pen i sign my separation from him.
wishing that all the light and happiness
was for once caused by him.

ode to my heart

aku pernah membaca cerita ini sebelumnya,
kekasih datang dan mencinta,
lalu kekasih pergi,
dan aku akan melambai pada punggungnya.

aku tahu kamu akan kembali padanya,
seorang wanita mulia,
yang rela menunggu,
seorang bajingan sepertimu.

aku dengar dia tetap menunggu perasaan misteriusmu,
meskipun kamu menderanya dengan derita,
setiap kali kamu bersamaku
atau dengan wanita lain.

aku yakin kamu tidak akan kembali padaku,
ketika kamu tidak lagi bercerita padaku,
tentang kisah-kisah lucu ataupun sendu,
betapa pun aku menanti.

aku paham benar aku menginginkanmu kembali,
meskipun itu tidak mungkin terjadi,
tidak hari ini, tidak minggu depan,
tidak kapan pun nanti.

damai

mataku terbuka melihat langit,
begitu biru. lebih biru dari biasanya.
ada awan tipis di atas sana, seperti asap,
melayang ...


tanah lembap, rumput bertebaran di sekeliling,
membelai kepala, lengan, kaki, tubuh, dan jemari.
ada rumpun bunga di dekat sini pasti,
wangi ...


ada sebuah titik putih di langit,
mungkin matahari. tapi ia tidak begitu silau.
enggankah dia menggangguku siang ini?
aku yang damai ini ...


meloncat seekor burung kecil ke atas dadaku,
menatapku dengan penuh ingin tahu.
apa yang dilakukan tubuh ini di sini?
terdiam ...


ada gelap di sudut mataku, sudah tenggelamkah matahari?
dingin dari jemariku telah hinggap di dada.
burung itu menatapku sekali lagi, lalu
pada sebuah lubang menganga di dekat kakinya.
selamat malam ...

never ever

"you're beautiful."

because of my dark chapped skin?

"i said you're beautiful."

because of my big round eyes and my thick brows?

"when are you ever gonna believe me ..."

never ...

"that you're beautiful?"

ever.

hole

there's a big hole in my forehead
that goes right through my frontal skull, into the brain and out on the back of my head.

somebody shot me.

somebody that had been hiding under the bushes all night long.

i didn't see the gun, i didn't see it coming.
i just heard one loud sound.
i just saw one red spark.
and i was down.

i just lied there, motionless.
eyes open
the sky was clear, the stars seemed so near.
i'm sure the wind blew a bit.
the earth was a jelly.
it was wet from the rain.
the grasses pricked my skin.
but i felt nothing.
this hole, had taken away everything.